Christmas, 1997. Every other gift had already been opened, and while you smiled politely when you saw the PlayStation with a brand-new copy of Final Fantasy VII, there was something missing. There was that one thing you’d wanted for years, but your parents never listened to your pleas. Mom wanted you to be “cool” and “normal,” but you knew that isn’t what Fate had planned. Dad wanted to prepare you for the family business by gifting you a new dog, but you always thought that his job as a taxidermist was a little creepy. Read the rest »
June Is Accordion Awareness Month. It’s Time To Bust Out Those Keys and Reminisce About Your Life’s Greatest Passion.
Much like “The Song That Never Ends” from Lamp Chop’s Sing-Along, you were exposed to a home renovation project that lasted for eternity—and it was just as blood-boiling. Why did your dad choose to buy a dinky, blue-slatted one-story on a dirt lot, if all he ever wanted was a 3,000-square-foot McMansion? Oh, sure, Dad; $85,000 was a steal. In 1980. Read the rest »
With the White Walkers defeated and the Long Night averted by Jon Snow and the other heroes of the battle of Winterfell, winter has finally come to an end. We know what you’re thinking: “Wait, winter just started!” and “Wasn’t the Night King supposed to be scary? His whole army got defeated in the very first battle they had to fight!” Right on both counts! Read the rest »
Your wife is pregnant with your third child. You manage a Taco Bell by day, and take classes in typewriter repair at night. You’re saving up to send your kids to community college while trying to pay off the Saturn you bought at 22% interest. Sure, the future looks rough, but that doesn’t mean you should abandon your dreams—you just need to set them aside for the present. Read the rest »