It’s St. Patrick’s Day, and you know what that means: time to break out the “Kiss me, I’m Irish” crop top. Just kidding—save that for arm day at the gym. What we really mean is: your Irish uncle from Chicago is visiting to see how the West Coast celebrates his favorite holiday.
Uncle Sean isn’t necessarily an alcoholic—he just drinks when he’s happy, sad, hungry, or bored. Unfortunately for you, he rides that rollercoaster of emotion almost every day, especially when he visits your SoCal residence. There are a handful of Irish pubs nearby, yet he somehow finds his way back to your living room. He groans on and on about how millennials have taken over the bars and how inauthentic everything has become. Cue the rant about how much more “authentic” the bar-scene is back home in “the mother-land.” It’s annoying.
But what’s more annoying? Well, that would be the fact that he has a nose like a bloodhound and can sniff out any alcohol you’ve hidden from him. You tried hiding bottles under the kale in the fridge, behind the water heater, and even in the trash bin, but his expert booze-sleuthing skills prevail every time.
What’s worse than your uncle drinking your most expensive whiskey? His taste-levels expand as the night goes on, and he becomes undiscerning about his liquor and sprites. You’ve learned this from several years of family gatherings. He’ll blabber about how he could drink you under the table, before insulting your love for a good Pinot Grigio and commanding you to drink something that will “put hair on your chest.” However, he’s no stranger to your stash after the Jack Daniels is gone. When he wants to get tipsy, anything is fair game. Your two-buck chuck won’t even survive. He’s like Ariana Grande: he wants it, he gets it.
If you’re not careful this year, he’ll blow right through your French wine. And then what will you drink while binge-watching Riverdale? Fret not, my Archie-loving friend—remember, you went to StorBox.
Your friendly, local StorBox features a state-of-the-art Wine Grotto, with temperature-controlled units to preserve your wines. It’s a Housewife of Orange County’s dream. You stored your good wine there to keep it away from your uncle’s grubby little fingers. What’s more, the Grotto protects your fancy grape-juice behind biometric finger-scanning. So even if Uncle Sean sniffed it out, Scooby Doo-style, there’s no way he’s getting in.
Do your family a favor and tell them to visit StorBox.com for unit pricing.