You bid a hasty goodbye to your software career at Initech after you were fired for grand larceny and vandalism. (That printer deserved to be beaten into submission. And left to die in an open field.)
Now, you refuse to wear a tie to work. Or, in fact, anything but a Hawaiian shirt. The squirrels are merry from your window. And no boss is Lumberghing around trying to make you work on the weekends, because you’re your own boss. Nice.
Cult classics aside, your business is growing faster than you can manage (almost), but you’ve had some creative solutions. Outsourcing your door-to-door sales to out-of-work magazine editors and copywriters was just the start. You pay them pennies on the dollar, and they eat it up. Hey, it’s not like they can find work elsewhere. All in all, you’re doing them a big favor!
Another stroke of brilliance was being dumped by your overachieving girlfriend. You don’t need that kind of pressure in your personal life when you can barely juggle all the TPS orders at work! You triumphed over your old enemy by making “totally powerful socks” the only TPS you ever have to deal with. And they’re made from your recycled cubicle furniture. Who knew you had it in you?
But the best idea you came up with? Moving your weirdo employee named Milton down to the supply room, and by “supply room” we mean the dimly-lit room in the basement of your building. Unfortunately, the basement was also where you had your overflow storage. You needed a new office supply space.
Luckily for you (and unluckily for Milton), StorBox has plenty of room for your red Swingline staplers, the best of the best in the office supply world. No, we won’t let Milton in. Besides the fact that our units are not zoned as commercial office space, we have seven entry gates with passcodes to minimize intrusions by disgruntled employees.
In the highly unlikely event of a fire at your new place, your important documents will be safe. As extra insurance, why not give Milton one of those shiny new staplers? And maybe a margarita with no salt. No salt.