Well, you’ve finally done it. It took you years upon years to accomplish your magnum opus, but your so-called “obsession” (you call it dedication) has paid off. Finally, you created a foolproof set of rules to turn your entire life into a game.
Your mother tried to protect you from yourself when you were a child, forcing you to go to school and pressuring you to get a job, but you had bigger and better ideas for your life. Once you moved into your uncle’s garage and agreed to pay him $100 a month for the rest of your life and watch his dogs while he spent most of his retired existence at his Lake Powell vacation house, you were free to live the way you wanted.
You found part-time work at your local mom-and-pop gas station (yep, those are real), and spent all your free time doing the only thing that mattered: playing games. Since elementary school, you and your buddies would sit in the backyard for countless hours rolling dice and having a blast!
First it was Warhammer 40k, Dungeons and Dragons, and sometimes even Axis and Allies, but your thirst for games kept growing. Settlers of Catan came into the picture, Power Grid, and Hordes…. But your hunger was not satiated. That was when you turned to the place every hardcore board-gamer goes: Kickstarter. You dumped paycheck after paycheck into those delicious special-edition boxes and boards that may never even hit the shelves of your local game store.
Kingdome Death Monster, Exploding Kittens, Tainted Grail, and much more began piling up in your garage/room until you only had a path to walk to your bed and your gaming table. Soon, your friends stopped coming by as often. They were spending their time on trivial things like careers and families and said they didn’t want to spend every waking hour in a stinky room flipping cards and rolling dice. Some people just don’t know what life is all about.
Sadly, most of these games you can’t play on your own, so you hatched your ingenious plan – make a set of rules that will turn your life into a tabletop game! And so, you did. You forsook whatever trivial human relationships you had left to your name and dedicated every waking hour not spent working at the gas station to formulating your rules.
It took you five years… all of your hair has fallen out, your teeth are stained yellow, and you can’t remember the last time you talked to anyone besides the Amazon delivery driver, but you’ve finally done it. You created a D100 rules system that accounts for every single probability in life and you can never stop playing. You call it ‘Dingus Life 1.5’ and now, at long last, life is truly just a game to you.
You no longer have need for the boxes that cover your garage lair wall-to-wall… you are the game now. However, it would be a waste to toss your collection, which you sunk thousands of dollars into. Good thing you rolled high on your acquisition check and were able to acquire a StorBox unit.
StorBox units come in all shapes and sizes to fit any and all storage needs! They are also climate-controlled, so you can keep your board games at whatever temperature you want!
Now that your lair is clean(ish), you can do whatever you want with your life, meaning wherever your rolls in Dingus Life lead you. Now you can finally go out there and play the game… forever!