The Only Place for Your FIRE Mixtape

By Storbox Self-Storage on September 20, 2018 - Comments off

man-1845432_1920When MacBook came out with GarageBand and a CD driver, you and your three friends had everything you needed to get your music career started. You had been logging hard bars in your Five Star® notebook since sophomore year of high school. Now, the world was finally going to see your masterpieces.

You knew you were going to be the next Eminem. You could feel it in your veins. Just the thought made your knees weak like Mom’s spaghetti. He can’t spit fire like you, though. You could make a rhyme at any time, even for a dime. See? Straight FIRE. But some people don’t agree with your genius.

Remember Patricia from biology class? When she saw your lyrics, she freaked out and said they were total trash. She didn’t like the first love song you wrote, which was about her! So, “Patty Got Cakes” didn’t woo her like you thought, but you knew that once it hit the radio, it would be soaring to the top of the Billboard charts. Maybe the right person needed to hear it?

Your friends were geniuses with production, too. Some people think excessive kick-drums and bass snares don’t mix well, but they don’t have true music streaming through their blood and veins. That snazzy production, when paired with an infinite loop of you muttering, “yeah” and “uh-huh” after every line, was next level – straight up lit. It’s a miracle that your MacBook didn’t erupt into flames.

But no record producers ever returned your messages, even when you sent mixtapes. When you called, they answered but just started laughing. They didn’t think you were serious. They thought you were auditioning to be the 2018 Weird Al or The Lonely Island. Why would they mistake your art for comedy? Haters.

Taking a trip to Venice Beach seemed like the only way to get the word out. So, you woke up early one morning and fought a crocheting cat-lady for the perfect spot. As people walked by, no one wanted your tapes. Only five people bought your music. Three people just wanted you to shut up and the other two people were your parents.

Maybe your mixtapes are just too next level and ahead of the curb, like the Beastie Boys. Maybe you should start making whispering, mumble rap to a tired trap beat. But what can you with your magic bars in the meantime? You know they will eventually catch on.

The only place that will appreciate your prowess is StorBox. With unit sizes from 5×5 square feet to 10×30, there’s enough room for the FIRE. Call (626) 407-3439 for details.

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