Forget balloons and paper hats. That’s kid stuff, man. Uninspired, trite, and kind of sad. It’s for amateurs to the great game of party planning, but not for you! You rise to the challenge. You answer the call. You’ve had a few “misses” and noise complaints filed by the people across the street, but your gusto will surely be rewarded in the end! Just one appearance by Kendall Jenner, and you’ll have it made, baby. You can charge admission and keep out the riffraff, including your girlfriend. You love her, but she’s a bore with a capital B; always trying to talk about her thesis work on fossils. Now, you can get her off the list without hurting her feelings… but first, you need to attract the right influencer to your home!
After all, what’s a party without a theme? Just awkward eating and drinking with people you don’t know, that’s what! You discovered a long time ago that the easiest way to have a great party was to make sure that everyone showed up looking equally stupid. It’s the best icebreaker you can imagine. You don’t have to play silly games; people show up and head straight for the punch bowl. It’s awesome.
It’s also led to some truly beautiful pairings. In matching Big Bird costumes, all that your guests can see is the beauty underneath. Sure, Angela ended up hating you once she found out Tim was engaged, but those wing-arms didn’t show any ring. Or hands, come to think of it. Ah well, the less you think about the fiasco that destroyed your kitchen, the better.
Some of your finest achievements? The Grandma and Grandpa Party and Mamma Mia, it’s a Party! Oddly enough, both events involved quite a few jumpsuits. And diapers, because it turns out jumpsuits with bellbottoms and multiple layers of fringe are really hard to take off in a small bathroom.
Some of your less successful endeavors? There was the Wood Party, where some people came as beavers and others came as trees, which made for a weird dynamic. Luckily, all the gnawing was playful. Or was it? All you know is you had to sweep up a pile of leaves afterward. (Who was the person wearing real branches? You’re going to kill them for getting sap on the couch!)
Then there was the party that involved glitter. Enough said. You’re still finding the stuff two years later in the oddest of places, including the creases on your face. Some smart-alec kid in the grocery store asked if you were a fairy princess. That stung, man.
But good or bad, you can store all of your party decorations at StorBox and keep trying new combinations. Once Kendall has discovered you, bring ‘em all out for the blowout. We believe in you.