I don’t really understand what all the fuss is about, you thought as you politely declined yet another crowd of people at your door. Is door the right word? Hmm… no. It’s more of a grand stone entrance, carved from the bowels of a mighty mountain. As you saunter back to your bed, a belch escapes past your teeth. What did I eat that was so spicy? you wonder quietly to yourself.
Oh, that’s right.
Every year, it’s the same: companies, fellowships, parties – no matter what you call them, they come in droves, trying to sneak a glimpse of your beautiful home. The poor dears even have a mind to steal some of your things. You can’t blame them, though. Your collecting is of epic proportions; not like anything they’ve ever seen. Of all the stereotypes about your kind, this one had to be true – and you had to be born with expensive tastes. If only your collecting had manifested itself in the form of dolls, like that Phyllis woman on Hoarders, then at least you’d be allowed to live in peace. Well, until your relatives insist on cleaning your house. Maybe your penchant for gold and diamonds isn’t so problematic after all.
Just as you settle back in for your nightly rewatch of Game of Thrones, feeling grateful that at least you aren’t enough of a sucker to let someone hop on your back for a joyride, you hear another group walking up. More like stomping, really. You peer around the corner. Torches?! A FLAME-THROWER? This has truly gotten out of hand.
Sufficiently grumpy, you don’t bother getting off of your pile to shoo them away. Serves them right, barging in here thinking they can take anything they want! It took you years of methodical pillaging to amass your fortune, and they think they can just waltz in here and “take back what is rightfully theirs.”
You really thought this mountain would be different; it seemed so remote, so distant – and you took so much time finding the deepest, darkest cave. All you really want is to be left alone with your riches, HBO GO, and the occasional taco. But alas, just like every other habitat on the planet, your abode started to shrink a few years ago, and it’s been downhill from there. Just because you’re not cute and fluffy like a panda doesn’t mean loss of habitat isn’t real for you! No; but if you’re a fire-breathing dragon, it’s like your feelings don’t even matter!
After all of the evening’s excitement, you find yourself reconsidering your cousin’s offer to stay for an extended vacation in Norway. At first, it sounded frigid, but now, you can picture yourself stretching your wings over a vast glacier and then having a soak in a steamy hot spring.
But what to do about your beloved treasure? Surely installing a security system wouldn’t be enough. You need somewhere with 24/7 security monitoring and video recording and individually alarmed units. Enter StorBox! With their units big enough to store all of your treasure, and exceptional security standards, you can enjoy your vacation in peace – just like you deserve. Now you can only hope they have tacos in Norway!