Well, it’s happened. Your girlfriend has finally gotten sick of your true-crime memorabilia taking up tons of room in the apartment you share. Sure, by “tons of room” you mean every nook and cranny, and it was getting difficult to eat with all the newspaper clipping littering the dining-room table, but she gave you an ultimatum you couldn’t refuse.
“Get all this crap out of here…or move out!” she yelled, pointing derisively at your photo of Richard Ramirez.
You knew by her reference to the Night Stalker that she was playing no games. Plus, she pays the rent and you are unemployed, so what she says goes.
This isn’t the first time your so-called “unhealthy obsession” got you in some hot water. You were fired from your copywriting position because all you could talk about was the Golden State Killer, the six podcasts about the Manson Family you had been listening too, and any other true-crime fact that popped into your head.
When they wrote you up for wearing your favorite Ed Kemper mugshot t-shirt on casual Friday, you saw the writing on the wall.
It’s kind of your fault that happened, though. Everyone thought the shirt was the mugshot of some obscure musician or writer until Kathy in HR asked, “Is that some country singer or something?”
You followed up by explaining who Ed Kemper was, and went into unnecessary detail about his mommy issues. The screams of your co-workers begging you to stop were not enough to stop you from spilling forth the fascinating facts and anecdotes. Even a cup of hot coffee thrown in your face could not end the madness.
You just can’t help yourself sometimes, but it’s not your fault that you work with a bunch of ninnies who are frightened of such an incredibly interesting topic. Heck, you weren’t even upset when they fired you a week later for saying that the new business consultant, Robert, looked like sketch of the Zodiac Killer, and followed that up by looking him dead in the eye and saying, “He was never caught, you know?”
Not long after that, Robert and poor Kathy in HR called you over to let you know that you were being let go. You acted bummed out, but to be honest, you were thrilled! More time to listen to podcasts and collect true-crime stuff!
You blew your last paycheck on a comb Al Capone used while imprisoned, and a bar napkin Richard Kuklinski used to blow his nose. Money well spent, but now that your girlfriend is telling you all this stuff has got to go, you have to figure out where to keep these treasures of unimaginable value.
Good thing the friendly folks at StorBox are here for all your storage needs! They don’t judge you for being a student of the human condition and seeking to understand some of the very worst of us. They have storage units to fit any need, which are climate-controlled. That’s perfect for storing your massive amount of memorabilia, and you get to keep freeloading off your lady friend until your true-crime podcast takes off.
Your fascination with notorious murders might rub people the wrong way, but maybe that’s the problem in the first place. Perhaps, if we were collectively more accepting of strange people and more welcoming toward one another, fewer people would feel so isolated from society and use it as an excuse to commit horrendous acts. Perhaps that’s why you find these people so fascinating. Society only focuses on the monster, but we are quick to forget that these people are human beings with relationships and lives. These monsters were someone’s child, spouse, sibling, and maybe even parent.
Either way, good thing you have your StorBox unit, so you can contemplate the complications of the human condition without being a nuisance to everyone else.