It’s every parent’s dream to watch their ungrateful little brats mature into full-functioning, respectable adults. Then, those newly blossomed adults will have children of their own, making their parents level up in life, unlocking the life of a grandparent.
Unfortunately for you, that’s not happening. Why can’t your kids just give you grandchildren? Don’t they know how bad you want a baby in the house? Unlike dogs, humans are only cute as babies and toddlers. If you could have a child, you would. But the fruit of your loins just aren’t cooperating. They’re like, “A baby? In this economy?!”
You’ve been prepared for grandchildren since your firstborn son turned 1. He was outgrowing all his baby clothes, but you were too smart to trash them. They cost so much anyway; you couldn’t throw away those $24 onesies. Every month, you added to the trash bag of clothes and then bought another bag and another…Your room was beginning to look like a TLC hoarder special.
When he outgrew the crib, you decided to keep that too. It was still intact, so why would you get rid of it? You placed it in the garage. And with him not sleeping it anymore, it was the perfect storage for the bags of clothes! You had to shell out your white-platelet blood cells for a stroller and car seat set. The car seat transitions into a booster seat, so of course, it was well worth it.
When your daughter was born, you reused your son’s onesies. Who cares? No one can tell a baby’s gender when they’re that small anyway. But when she was old enough for rompers, you went HAM! All those “Buy 2, Get 2” sales left you with at least one outfit for every day of the year. She grew up and you kept those too.
So, now you have clothes for a boy AND a girl. You’re so prepared and ready to be the perfect grandparent. You’ll drop by unannounced and complain how your kids never visit. Why won’t your kids cooperate? Your son still lives in your basement, and won’t go out with the nice cashier from Chipotle, no matter how many times you set them up! Your daughter said she’ll have her own kids when “she’s done focusing on her career.” How rude and selfish. Who care if she wants to be a doctor? You want a grandchild.
Until then, all your old baby clothes and furniture sit undisturbed in STORBOX, because you were smart enough to rent a perfectly-sized unit. You bought the insurance too, because you can never be too careful.
Now it’s just time to wait it out. Maybe you should buy a puppy.